Unmuted: Finding My Voice by Breaking Old Patterns

When I hit the “Send” button, tightness suddenly filled my chest. An intense sense of warmth passed through my neck and rose to my face, closing my ears tightly. For the next two and a half hours, I sat like this at my desk, trying to work through my daily workload and not think of the consequences I was expecting after my supervisor and his manager read through my email. Nervously, yet at the same time feeling empowered, I waited for an angered, frantic supervisor to approach my cubicle and publicly demand an explanation of my email or, worse yet, without allowing me to speak for myself, him telling me to leave.

What brought this up was the conversation I had with my supervisor a few days earlier in which he stated he wanted to go over how I went through emails and completed my work assignments. He wanted to see how he could make me more efficient. I was stunned at his comment! How could I be more efficient when carrying an insurmountable workload that could meet his daily mandate? Efficiency did not equate with vendors who consistently did not reply to my requests or our department not communicating collectively. I was also working overtime to meet his new mandate on my daily responsibilities and felt punished when asked to validate what I was doing working overtime.

So, I composed an email outlining the responsibilities he had tasked me with six weeks prior and what I believed to be unreasonable expectations. Along with my email, I created two spreadsheets validating my workload compared to my coworkers and the possible improvement resulting from all the overtime hours required.

Although nervous about my supervisor’s response, I spoke up for myself while drafting the email. For too long, I had let the silence of my childhood, or my lack of a voice, define my reactions to authority. In this case, I was allowing my supervisor’s demeanor to echo the control I once felt under my stepfather.

I now understand that I am not that little girl anymore. I will no longer allow anyone else to define my worth. I cannot let the shadows of the past dictate how I stand in the present. I have the strength to use my voice, and it is time I stop allowing anyone’s actions to hold me back from fully expressing myself, my thoughts, my goals, etc.

If you are reading this and feeling the weight of past experiences in your present, I encourage you to take that first step—whether writing a letter, having a difficult conversation, or simply taking a moment to reflect on your worth. The actions of others do not define you, and your voice matters. It is time to stop letting old patterns shape how you show up today. Your voice is yours to reclaim, and it is powerful beyond measure.